點解日本人英文咁差？
题目的粤语表达献给《志明与春娇》&《春娇与志明》。
为什么日本这个西化进程100多年，全球文盲率最低，英文教育早早着手的国家的国民普遍讲不好英文？
最常见的解释有，日文仅有的あいうえお五个元音和与之搭配的十几个辅音，使得日文的发音非常单调，既而导致日本人口腔开发程度有限，难以模拟日文之外的其他音素。这一点我还是十分认同的。不过它也仅仅解释了日本人英文讲不地道的原因，却没有触及为什么当代日本年轻人学习英文十几年在街头被人用英文问路时却依然捉襟见肘。
还有普遍的一种解释。自体传统文化根基深厚、国民认同感较高的国家对英文的依赖的依赖性较小。但到底什么是依赖性就有必要稍稍探讨和展开。
在欧洲大陆旅行过的人会有很深刻的体会，荷兰、比利时、卢森堡、瑞士这样的小国国民英文要远远好于周边的德国、法国、意大利和西班牙。由于地缘、历史、政治的原因，小国们一直以来受到周边强大邻国的影响和辐射，国人从出生便生活在多语种的环境中，对外来文化的态度也处于包容和开放的状态。反之，自体文化传统相对深厚的国家，国民一方面对待外来的英文文化抱有防备心态，另一方面，国民自幼的单一语种环境也使得人们在学习英文的过程中要付出比多语言环境地区的人们更多的努力。所以在这里，依赖性首先体现在，文化的相对势力，即相对弱势文化对相对强势文化等外来语言文化的依赖较大。
例如隋唐宋时期，中日的文化政治交流一度繁盛，唐宋时期中国文化、文字大量输出日本。彼时的日本相对中国是相对弱势文化，对中华文化呈依赖态势，因而中文如同今天的英文，迅速融入日本本土语言。明治维新前夜，西方船舰敲开日本国门的一刻，日本文化便随整个东亚的儒家文化圈一起匍匐在了西方文明前，形成了今天依然未曾发生本质改变的文化弱势地位。但为何1000多年前日本人可以学好中文而今天普罗民众讲起英文来却难上加难？
内田树先生在《日本边境轮》提到的一个观点十分有趣，他说“因为用英语或法语可以论述的问题，几乎全部都可以使用日本语进行论述。要问这是为什么，因为日本人会把外来的概念或术语当做‘真名’，把他们摆放在正统的地位上，然后将他们引入口语性的本土语言中。先把那些外来概念或者术语的棱角削掉，再把摸起来不那么顺滑的部分用缓冲材料包裹好，将他们‘翻译’成普通人都可以理解，接受的生活用语。”
所以其实“为何1000多年前日本人可以学好中文而今天普罗民众讲起英文来却难上加难？”这个问题本身就存在漏洞。1000多年前的日本人就没有真正地对中文全盘接受，而是挑拣了其中他们认为有用的部分并结合本土语言形成了自己的语言体系。唐宋时期的日本社会上层，如同明治时代的精英一代，把先进的中华文化介绍到日本并进行推广使用。彼时唐代诗人白乐天的诗作在日本学者中大受欢迎，并成为高雅艺术的代表流传至今。而高雅的国外文化和文字在从精英阶层逐渐普及至庶人百姓的过程中，逐渐修建掉原本难以接近的张狂枝桠，形成了易于亲近的文化、文字变种，也就是今天真名（汉字）假名共居一体的日本语。
内田先生的论述里还涉及到一个重要的问题即语言的局限性。我们必须要认识到对于每一种语言都有它无法准确描述和讨论的事物和话题，就好像本土的阿拉伯语里必然不会出现有关北极熊的表述，而生活在沙捞越热带雨林里的土著也不会谈论有关喜马拉雅的任何话题一样。这种语言的局限性在工业革命以来的时代显得越来越棘手。随着菲律宾、印度、越南等国家成为西欧发达国家的殖民地，本地人的语言已经无法处理许多他们之前从来没有考虑过的问题。“菲律宾人的母语作为生活语言依然被保留着，但它却无法被用来论述国际政治、哲学等专业问题。因为在他们的母语中，根本不存在这些词汇。所以，不会讲英语的菲律宾人就无法从事脑力劳动类的工作。其他的旧殖民地国家，大多也是如此。”内田先生这样写道。在这些殖民地国家，比起扩充自己的语言维度建立起全新的坐标，学好掌握好殖民国家的语言才是更简便有效的途径。于是一种本土语言加英文或者法文的双语环境得以建立。反观日本，在黑船事件导致国门被迫打开的日本意识到若不进行现代化则必然沦为和邻国中国一样的半殖民地社会，于是在福泽谕吉等开国精英的带领下，一场伴随着危机感和的高速现代化进程开始。有趣的是，对西方科技、自然学说的热情同时激发了精英阶层对于本土国学体系的保护。在两股内化的力量的平衡下，没有经历殖民社会的日本，高效地把西方的文字、文化、科技消化吸收进入本土的文化之中。这其中最关键的翻译过程，内田先生这样表述：
“对于日本人来说，翻译欧美语言中的词汇，其实就是体味原文的语义然后用两个汉字加以替换……他所做的其实不是把欧美词汇翻译成日本语，而是翻译成汉语。只不过是用一种外语来替换另一种外语……因为日本语具有的二重构造（本文注：汉子和假名共用的二重构造），所以这是可以实现的。”这其中暗含了一种承认本国语言具有局限性的边境逻辑。再对比一下中国：“清末的中国人却不可能做同样的事情。倒不是中国人不会做，而是他们心里对此有强烈的抵触情绪。如果在汉语中加入以前所没有的概念或术语的新词汇，就相当于承认自己的‘种族思想’存在不完整性和地方局限性，所以，中国人对外来语多采用音译的方式……中国人不会把这些音译的外来语当做正式成员加入自己的母语中，因为他们不想让外来语改变自己母语的含义体系。”有意思的是，中文里音译的外语词，也就是所谓洋泾浜，许多逐渐被来自日文翻译自西文的“汉字词”所取代，比如：“电话”取代“德律风”。
以上，虽然略有跑题，主要讲述日文所具有的一种许多语言没有的吸收消化功能，即通过汉字这种表意图形的重新组合来实现对外来词汇的本土化，从而解决本土语言表达边界的问题。除此之外，日文语言的本土化过程，尤其在近一百年，还表现在用片假名对外来词汇的直接音译。据统计，主要来自英文的外来语在今天仍以每年1000个以上的速度融入日本语言。而当代年轻人在社交网络等新兴媒体上使用英文化日文的比例也在大幅增长。
因此，汉字的整合再造功能和片假名的直接拿来功能相结合，使日文具有强大的语言包容和扩张力，从而具有广泛且不断延伸的表达网络。于是人们不需要学习掌握外语，也可以轻而易举地进行沟通交流和传播最新的观念和资讯。那么之前提及的依赖性，也体现在深受中华文化福泽的日本文化所具有的内化吸收能力，使它能够自行更新和发展，而不需要依赖和完全借助英文来填补语言的空白。
所以點解日本人英文咁差这个问题，分析起来是有很多思路可以理清。除了因为自身语言音素少而导致的“说不好”这点之外，长期处在弱势文化的态势从而习惯借鉴消化而非全盘拿来的文化姿态，以及随之产生的独特语言更新扩张力所导致的“不必说”，都或许是普罗日本大众讲不好英文的重要原因。
更详细且清晰的分析就懒得深入下去了，说起来，之所以想拎出这个题目发一番牢骚也只是因为受到《日本边境轮》一书最后一章的点播。总之透过语言来探讨文化，以及透过文化来分析语言这件事还是充满乐趣的。大概如此，以上。
法兰克福有凯宾斯基
大学时代在Lufthansa实习的时候正值北京深冬。6点钟下班的时候，从公司正门的老式旋转门转出来通常会被东三环外的妖风给吹到面瘫。直到后来我发现，从另一侧走，穿过旁边凯宾斯基的侧廊，再从一个小门走进后花园，绕过一个结满冰的小池塘，出来几步就是地铁站。这一侧的妖风们比较仁慈，偶尔耍一下都是从我身后裹挟过来。那个时候每天下班出来，穿过酒店，远远地闻到对翼飘来的一点面包香，据说是北京最好的面包房但我从没去尝过，再从酒店的身后走过，望着上面的客房窗子发出星星的灯光，觉得生活一点点向前走得特别稳。即使在地铁被挤成一根鱿鱼丝的时候，也觉得自己好像这座高速新陈代谢的野心都市体内大动脉里的一颗饱满的红细胞，两面凹的圆饼状的健康红细胞，体内充满了刚刚与氧气结合的血红蛋白，鲜红色。其实在北京，凯宾斯基已经算是陈旧派的老五星酒店，但我第一次进去，踩在软的好像云一样的地毯上，抬头仰望大堂四壁雅致陈设的时候，还是暗暗抽了一口气。我记得在酒店门口送老板去滑雪。我把滑雪板放到出租车的后备箱，拉开车门与她道别，然后第一次正经地从酒店的正门拎着包离开。那是我在公司的最后一日。
之后很多时候，那种从左心室喷射而出，径直地奔驰在体动脉里的感觉渐渐地没有了，也再没进过凯宾斯基。
昨晚小洋送我走到路口说“我陪你等这个红灯再走”的时候，突然鼻子一冲，眼前闪了好多老镜头，继而想到上面那些腻腻歪歪。我们就好像曾经在肺静脉那里汇流偶遇，在左心房里稍作停留，休息，成长，然后流进左心室，在一股压力之下喷入体动脉。在体动脉里，虽然快得喘不过气但还是能凑一眼说句话，直到第一个分叉，倏地一下流入两条不同的动脉，去到不同的脏器与截然不同的细胞交换氧气和二氧化碳，偶尔能在肝脏或者小肠的某根毛细血管遇见，难得地交换一下氧气和废气，然后又匆匆地在肺部的毛细血管网里走失，各自充氧。而曾经的左心房就好像成为某种回忆的温床，那是个没什么压力，未来一片大好，只要静静地等着喷出去就可以了的时代。但其实谁又想过，喷出去之后，所谓“成长的烦恼”或者“青春的代价”的俗套剧情就如期上演：“洞拐洞拐，我是洞腰，我已到达左心房。”“洞腰洞腰，我还在甲状腺附近卸氧，后会有期。”
在动脉里一个人跑久了，有的时候会觉得其实不是自己在跑，而是后面的细胞在推着你走，这其中有人给你说，你应该努力从第一个动脉岔口挤到脑动脉，然后一路上行去大脑，去那儿供氧才有意义，全身都靠着你呢。还有的红细胞说你应该去胃和小肠，那附近血液里全是营养，虽然累点逼仄点，但是周围全是好东西。谁知道呢。偶尔在静脉里遇到曾经的熟识，从小腿处一路爬上来被静脉瓣磕磕绊绊，干瘪地呈暗红色，就感慨曾经一同在心脏里憧憬未来，但几个岔路便注定了截然不同的命运。更感慨的是过去抬头可见的知己，如今在路口红灯一站一沉默一感慨，仿佛面前就是万劫不复的人生路，再也不能扶持着走了。
于是这和凯宾斯基有什么关系？你认为我会告诉你我其实不小心写跑题了么？
才没有切！其实仔细想想，每天穿过凯宾斯基的那一段时间，好像曾经在心脏里停留的那零点几秒的温室期，有知觉有梦想，还有点氤氲滋生的美好情绪；看得见指尖的纹路和它面对的方向。而之后的路途上，在熙攘推搡，有点硬化，脂肪席卷，越走越窄的血脉里，一眼看不到的曲径深邃，梦想成了童话。大脑在哪呢？胃呢，有好吃的吗？还是脾好，清闲！还是你们前列腺好，不靠时间，想来就来。听说他们给胆囊打工的最累了天天夜班……幸好，有一天我们还会在哪遇见走一程，冰岛没劲的话，挪威也行，印度也行，巴布亚新几内亚也行。说到底哪儿其实都不重要，哪怕一起在右骨盆的大静脉那堵了车，开着空调，把车座放平聊天，不也和住在凯宾斯基的Standard Room一样么。想像一下，假如我们是从温室出来就一直一根管携手并肩走到底，说不定也就不会有今天两面凹的圆饼状这么曼妙的体型了。
09年4月份一个下午，在我熬夜连转了36小时之后昏睡起来抓起枕边的小手机，看到未读短信里写着不带标点的“我走了”的时候，才第一次觉得，原来自己离开左心房已经那么久，而这仅仅是人生循环的第一个动脉岔口。
最后我查了，法兰克福有凯宾斯基，有四家呢。不知道那里的肘子和希特勒光顾的那家比怎么样。是为拖拽式点题。
保重
Villa Rothschild Kempinski
Im Rothschildpark 1, Königstein im Taunus, 61462, Frankfurt, Germany
Tel +49 6174 2908 0
Kempinski Hotel Gravenbrunch Frankfurt:
Graf zu Ysenburg und Buedingen Platz 1, Neu-Isenburg, 63263, Frankfurt, Germany
Tel +49 69 389 88 0 Fax +49 69 389 88 900
Falkenstein Grand Kempinski
Debusweg 6-18, Königstein, 61462, Frankfurt, Germany
Tel +49 6174 90 0 Fax +49 6174 90 9090
Schloss Reinhartshausen Kempinski Eltville Frankfurt
Hauptstr. 41, Eltville – Erbach, 65346, Frankfurt, Germany
Tel +49 6123 676 0 Fax +49 6123 676 400
坐禅酒徒
发际线有一点点后移。
我不知道是不是在这个年龄除了偶尔长高头发还会掉几两？也有可能是用脑过度？但我没觉得自己用脑很多，最近唯一让我觉得有点不舒服的就是背了一页很乱的日文单词，没有中文词源且彼此相近的本土词，只能死记硬背。于是我原本幻想的，能在Josef暴走日本而我却在山东某地吃完沙子后苦攻日文的想法变得特别好笑。这么多年，东京的地形熟的好像一直住在那里一样，但其实从来只是神游，偶尔借助地图和游记还有Google Map。再然后，我拜托J买的東京事変的《東京コレクション》也没有买到。算下来，这周的亮点大概就只有《桃花期》这部电影，但本来是笑点的部分却让我觉得“啊！已经1年多没去唱Sound K了！” 再之后的不明情绪，和因为新干线300系退役的伤感一起搅拌，变色，渐渐地生出絮状的游丝，一点点渗到我的被子里，在每晚入睡后通过鼻孔和不小心开启的嘴钻到体内。有时候一个喷嚏，一个念头，你就会突然觉得自己的身体已经被某种情绪占领了，连警报都懒的摁。
于是这个时候请呼唤酒精！
但是合适的酒比如tequila, vodka, gin, whiskey之类的又都不在，葡萄酒啤酒之类的又完全没作用。突然想起来周四的应酬上慢慢喝的那一两多白酒竟然完全没反应，虽然不喜欢，但还是说明有点饮酒天赋？
又然后突然想起上个月我大病一场的经历，在体温徘徊在临近40度的时候出现了好多神奇的想法和念头，然后一些道理好像突然间看清了，视野变得开阔，床边窗帘纹理的对比度也被拉到很高。我躺在那里两眼直直地盯着天花板和台灯投射上去的影子，过去一个月做过的坏事好事都篇篇复习过，顿悟做人果然还是要宽容、踏实本质、谦虚小我才能成功，否则就要受到惩罚。比如我的老板，虽然从头到脚遵循行业和social convention名牌裹身，但几个细节，比如在company visit的时候很仔细地用超市里10块钱以下的线圈本和中性笔做记录，比如之前的行李箱把手坏掉才换了新的Rimowa，都让我觉得他是一个务实且本质的banker，而自己还在大学就开始用Moleskine用MUJI，好像用它自己也能成为梵高或者海明威。在这个行业里，大概大部分的人都不是因为行业本身而选择投身，有些东西来得太快了，意欲膨胀时难免看不清自己和周围，莫名地给自己画了一条所谓底线，其下的通通不去触碰。而另一方面，在这个分享变得过分容易的时代，你突然间发现社交网站的对面有人每天住着那么好的酒店，搭着商务舱，于是便觉得这些东西也应该属于自己，好像一个没自持的佣人，每天见主人好吃好喝便觉得这一切也是自己的。所以我还蛮感谢我的老板，什么都没做，但就好像一杯沁人的凉水递过来，让我在40度的高烧后又感受到寻常体温的幸福。
其实说到现在，凌晨快2点，也只不过是想安安静静地找好朋友们喝场酒，借着酒劲搂一搂抱一抱，幸运地话还能逼出一点久违的眼泪，经念多了腿盘的久了总还是要打通一下血脉不是。
说起来，酒还是好东西。
Merry thanksgiving year!
Dear tough & rough days,
Thank you for everything you gave me.
Now I’m learning not to complain. I’m busy and happy!
Yours
W
A Little Positive Energy
Anyone who is in need of some positive energy or finds your life boring and the new series of The Big Bang Theory disappointing and has already watched Will & Grace and Two and A Half Man more than 10 times should really consider reading Ellen DeGeneres’s New Book Seriously…I’m kidding.
Seriously…I’m not kidding, oh maybe I’m kidding, or maybe I’m not kidding, or maybe I am! Anyway…I laughed my shit out! And I just did, right after I finished the last line.
Okay I admit, this is the side affect that comes with the book. I try to be as talky as Ellen did in the book, and I convince myself that I can be as funny as she is while the truth is I’m still a Karen kind of person.
Just a remind, don’t download the copy illegally unless you are in China. Wink *_-
Monologue In Front of the Curtain
In the past four years, you’ve written 4 scripts while 2 of them told stories about the philosophy of “giving up” for people of your age. However, ironically enough, you found yourself pretty comfortable putting up the rebellious and inspiring signboard high up the street yet sometimes reluctant to live your own life under its flickering neon at night. You simply couldn’t sleep well with the lights on, at least not in your own drama.
You had no idea how to finish this scene of the play when the scenario was drawing to a close. As audience’s excitement cooled in the steams mixed with impatience and boredom, you came to feel that every inch of your movement looked so unnatural and pretentious, and the audience would soon come to a turning point to think this play really sucked and adjust their position for sleeping. However, your eyes accidentally rest on someone sitting alone in the front row looking absent-minded. You could tell at once that this person was completely different from all those faceless and brainless audience sitting in the dark theater, and by the light of intuition you decided to weave the coming story exclusively for him. So you forgot the awkwardness that struck you moments ago when confidence refilled your lungs. You danced, you sang and you played your part with all your passion, trying to drag that wandering thoughts of someone back to your stage. You got a real audience! You would show everything you got and you became a completely different person on the stage! You began to enjoy the very last seconds of this scene which you had never pictured that it was ending in this dramatic way. Just as the music reached to its climax, you met the beautiful eyes of someone and this was it! The curtain cut the view and kissed the stage.
During the interval, you were fighting with yourself and hesitated about the next act. It had been a wonderful ending yet too short as a plot. C’est le drame! Oui! But the world sealed behind the curtain seemed to have suffocated you, even though you knew the upcoming act would be a stunning story. You stood in front of the red curtain waiting for the call, and at the same moment, a new and fancy scene was built up behind yourself, which surprisingly seemed less awesome than you had thought before. Finally after what felt like a century, the other side seemed to have dimmed out, and the overture burst in again. You took a deep breath in the snappy music, trying not to tremble in your excitement. Soon the curtain was raised again, revealing your brand new fancy shoes and carefully ironed pants. Just when you did your opening pose, you found your eyes rest on an folded seat that was isolated by the ocean called darkness, which would almost blind you.
Cheers from the audience had filled up the theater. Boy that was a great entry you just made!
Night after night, you still couldn’t sleep well with the neon on the signboard flickering outside your window and the image of that empty seat occupying your mind. Until one night, you realize that you can just turn off the light before sleep, and there will be way more other people dying to take that front row seat and let themselves lost in your play, because you know you are going to make it a wonderful show.
Now let’s raise the curtain, shall we?
Happy birthday to yourself.
I miss you when…
I miss you when I’m watching the drama, taking the subway, talking to old friends, working out in gym, listening to music, walking home in darkness, holding my mobile, waiting for the vibrate, logging into my miniblog, checking out your updates, lying still for sleeping, waking up in the morning, searching for the slipper, opening the window, breathing out, breathing in…
You are the fresh air of this city, i appreciate it, and I live on it.
To the one.
What can we learn from the TED speakers?
Last week I delivered a two-hour training for the newbies of an organization I used to involve in. With a plain and serious looking topic as “How to act and think professionally”, I knew nothing could be easier than boring the audience with a preaching attitude and endless PowerPoint slices. For the reason, what I tried to do was incorporating some humor into my speech, encouraging interaction, and prewarning the audience that my upcoming slices might be somewhat tedious in order to adjust their expectations. By good chance, the training worked out in a satisfying way even with limited time for preparation and massive details to clarify. However, I have been wondering afterwards if I could do it better, and how?
As a keen follower of the every week’s TED talks, I adore those charismatic speakers who share their ideas or stories on stage in a fascinating way. And what particularly arouses my interest is their efficient and glamorous performance during the presentation. So here my questions come:
1) How can they effectively transmit an idea, sometimes very abstract, to the audience who has no relevant preknowledge or professional background all within several minutes?
2) What presentational skills can we derive from their performance, and how can we apply them in our future public speech?
By reviewing several talks over and over, I will try to answer my questions here.
1. A simple and clear structure of speech
Beginning with a short and attractive intro, a TED speaker will come straight to the main topic, clearly and concisely stated. Then by showing examples on slices, he will further explain and support the point he makes previously. In the end, an uplifting and profound closing is made in a finely prepared way in order to inspire the audience and arouse their interest to follow the main idea and to learn more.
This is a typical structure of argumentation, which enables the speaker to deliver his thoughts in the most efficient and effective way. It’s the key to a brief yet brilliant TED talk.
2. Be a storyteller, not a speaker
Due to limitations of a presentation, the speaker usually takes over most of the entire session while the audience seldom has opportunities to share their opinions or interact with the others, which is likely to create a mirage of a condescending attitude of the speaker. A contorted image of the speaker and a unilateral speaker-audience relationship certainly will not help the people to fully understand and accept the main idea. Therefore, it’s helpful to erase your identity as a speaker then try to join the audience as a storyteller, as it will enable a psychological connection and interaction that can’t be achieved formally.
Becoming a storyteller means narrating instead of imposing or preaching. Try to narrate what is in your mind to the audience naturally, like when you tell a story to your family and friends. In this case, you are more likely to construct a clear logical structure that makes your ideas and theories easier to understand as it helps to set up a dramatic and lively image of what you are saying as well.
Being a storyteller also means applying appropriate public speech skills, like comfortable rhythm of speech; smooth speaking without stumbling; correct pitch, tone, stress; and proper gestures or body language, etc. All of these petty requirements help to bring your story to life in front of the audience.
3. Use pictures and graphics
Don’t hesitate to insert a picture to your slices, because when it comes to an abstract theory, it is the best way to explain or prove it with pictures or graphics. Besides, pictures form a visual stimulation that helps to wipe away the inescapable monotony in your lengthy presentation. Just remember to arrange your pictures in a harmonious way.
4. Humor is necessary
Humor is a necessary element of a successful speech, no matter for icebreaking or whatever other purposes. It’s always worth the effort to incorporate humor into your presentation, though we have to admit that humor is more or less a gift that some people can do it without thinking and some others can’t even find a good joke with Google. However, being humorous isn’t equivalent to being a comedian; you are just there to make it easier for the people to follow your point, not to entertain them. A key that prevents you from overdoing it is to make sure the humor relates to the point you are making, and by the way, make sure it’s short.
5. Practice makes perfect
Although it sounds pretty much like cliché, we still have to admit that sufficient preparation and practice is still the key to assure a successful presentation. I believe even the most experienced TED speaker wouldn’t ever walk to that stage without several times of rehearsal. So generally speaking, practice enables you to memorize your speech structure, contents, keynotes, etc. Only with all of your words clearly in mind, can you deliver a speech in confidence.
In the end, there comes some cliché again. Don’t forget to give a smile, be confident, and be yourself.
明日、春が来たら
湿气和毒素
2011新年计划里的第十条：Project Wakkanai——“稚内计划”，我希望在这个国家最北边的尽头与过去的自己做一个了断。我想象了很久，而了断这种事情从来困难，因为要和自己心爱和习惯的部分从此瓜葛全无，只靠怀抱着的回忆生活，如果幸运的话若干年后的某一天，说不定还能找回当初失去的东西，而那个时候，即使是宝贝想必也只有擦肩而过的缘分而已。
所以我是很理解三岛由纪夫的逻辑，他对于完美的近乎痴迷一般的执着，以至于残缺的生命在对完美的追逐面前也显得微不足道，因为成全永恒美的唯一手段则是毁灭它。烧掉金阁寺岂是因为和尚嫉妒，而是因为爱之深，想要守护它的心情在明知道“有一天时间会磨损掉它的完美”这样的现实面前的本能反应，只有把它一把火烧掉才是实现永恒完美的唯一办法。如同巨星的隐退一样，如同我想在稚内告别珍视的东西一样，这逻辑其实一点都不可怕，自然地好像就是人性的一部分，破坏的欲望和对美的追求结合而成的人性的一部分。
去年下半年我注销了人人网的帐户，瞬间离开了一个喧嚣浮躁的圈子。而作为代价，那些一直如呼吸一般自然存在的朋友的一部分，我也通通告别了。刚才我偷偷注册了一个账户，编了一个名字选了一所海外的大学，搜出那些一如我肺里的空气的人们的页面，偷偷的点开名字，偷偷地潜入主页，看不到主页的就看头像和可见的状态，从小到大的现在或过去时态的好朋友都搜了一遍。Joseph的主页竟然完全没有对陌生访客的隐私保护，这孩子后来变得很理性愤青也很敢讲真话，而我却对一些事情却始终保持自言自语或小声呢喃的状态，我不敢，因为在前途未明的道路上，我估计还有几程路要摸索。然而看到自己的头像还在特别好友那里就一下子哭了，过去的回忆好像iTunes封面一样地伴着倒影闪回。我在微博里说了自私的话：I wish you were not Christian。这真的是心声。那个善良体贴而且永远和我所见略同的家伙消失了，留下了几张非常美的明信片。
我发觉，注销的人人账户所隔开的那个时代和世界，虽然承诺要回去却很难回去了。我好像Cast Away里的Tom Hanks，在远离真实的小岛上皮肤晒得黝黑，胡子头发体毛纠结在一起，赤脚上沾着沙子。然而，当发现还有朋友保留着当时那个失踪的Tom Hanks的联络方式，一如他还生活在身边，这样的事情真的让人难过，也让人为“那家伙消失了”这样的想法惭愧。
这样的感受理性解释不来，好像不懂得道理的野人体内纤细敏感的神经元所储存的信息，都只是一些文字化和符号化的情绪。大概深夜体内某些激素会分泌旺盛的关系，深夜情绪症会很容易降临。这里的话都是症后的表现。正如几天前帮我拔火罐和刮痧的师傅说的，我毒素太深，火罐刚接触皮肤，紫色的瘀血就显现出来，然后罐的内壁结成一层雾气。这些都是毒素和湿气，是这个万物复苏草长莺飞的季节里活跃登场的瑕疵。
walterlau
